I MEET MAURICE SENDAK

I MEET MAURICE SENDAK

I MEET MAURICE SENDAK

The night of his first lecture, Wheeler Auditorium was bursting—people were squeezed into every corner and mobbed outside the open doors. I didn’t know why it was so jam-packed because I’d never read the copyright date of Where the Wild Things Are—or of any of his other books, for that matter. I didn’t know that these college kids had grown up on his stories.

Ella had even managed to get us invitations to the reception for him afterwards in the Bancroft Library. As we walked over after the lecture, I heard Mr. Sendak behind me, telling his companions how hungry he was.

In the reception room I helped myself to a paper plate of appetizers. As I ate, I noticed that he was advancing toward the buffet table by millimeters only. As soon as he’d finish talking with one person, another would block his path. So I filled a plate with hors d’oeuvres for him and took it over, then stood back and listened to what he had to say to his crowd of admirers. When I was satisfied he wouldn’t bite—and there was a momentary lull—I finally spoke to him.

I told him I’d sent a story around to publishers and kept getting form rejection letters—no personal notes even. I said I thought kids would like it, but had begun to wonder if it was somehow threatening to adults. “Ah!” he said knowingly, “You have to be tricky to get past them.” So I asked him if he’d be willing to read my story and suggest any changes I might make. He graciously said yes.

The afternoon I delivered my manuscript to his hotel, I was a nervous wreck—I’d spent the previous days trying to write a cover letter, and now that he was about to leave, I was afraid I’d miss him altogether. When I handed the manuscript over to the hotel clerk, he gave it to a bellboy to take to Mr. Sendak’s room. I thought there was a remote chance he might read my story that night and call me.

But I never heard from him. Months passed, and I began to wonder if he’d ever received my manuscript—what if the bellboy had taken it to the wrong room? I called the hotel to see if my manila envelope had ended up in some dead-letter bin. Then I wrote reclusive Mr. Sendak himself (how I got his address shall remain my secret). I sent him a postcard with two options for him to check, including “Manuscript? What manuscript?” Which is what he checked.

So I sent him another copy along with a couple of my illustrations, including the one above. More months went by. Figuring he hadn’t liked my story and was too kind-hearted to tell me, I swallowed hard and stopped hoping. Then one December afternoon I arrived home, routinely punched the messages button on my answering machine, and heard an unfamiliar voice through static. I thought it was a wrong number and headed to the fridge. But when I heard the words “twin princes,” I froze in my tracks.

As the static cleared, I heard Mr. Sendak apologizing and explaining that he was just now recovering from a long illness. A few days later a note came on his letterhead for the Sundance Children’s Theater:

                         Dear Callie Raab,

                                                Just called you—alas, you were not

                         at home. Beauregard is a wonder! Very well told—

                         fresh & smart & I do not even mind the happy ending!

                         If you don’t mind, I will keep this manuscript—

                         to show to someone in “the business.” Please, have no

                         hope. I know and trust no one—except this one person.

                         And I don’t foolishly want to raise your hopes.

                         Forgive the long delay. A long illness—just—

                         I hope!—coming out of it.

                         I return the art—I like them too!

                         No—I’m not being nice—you are good!

                                                                                               Maurice Sendak

I wrote him back, “When I delivered my manuscript to you at the hotel, I felt I was nearing the end of a long journey. Thank you for making the ending a happy one. Your appreciation of my work is deeply, deeply felt.”

I’d waited half a lifetime for a father’s—or at least a father figure’s—approval, and at long last I had it.

Prince Beauregard and the Beast Baby

MAJOR PLAYER

MAJOR PLAYER

MAJOR PLAYER

If I’m going to write about my life, I feel it’s only good manners to introduce the major players, starting with my best friend, Ella, whom I met on the Aurelia, a ship that was taking us to Spain years ago to study at the University of Madrid our junior year of college. She was from U.C. Santa Barbara; I was from U.C. Berkeley. (Throughout my blog, vignettes from A Patchwork Memoir—my historic voice—will appear in serif text.)

“We’re ‘housemates,’” I tell people because “roommates” sounds too collegial. And we do live in what was once a house, though eventually it was converted into several apartments, a few of which have stood empty over the years.

We live in an ideal spot—on a shady residential street a half a block from the U.C. Berkeley campus, an area we couldn’t afford in our dreams if it weren’t for rent control. Despite our proximity to downtown, we have deer foraging in our backyard, raccoons climbing the coast live oak overhanging our driveway, and the occasional nocturnal sighting of an opossum or skunk.

Only four or five blocks away is the apartment where I lived with my mom and brother after we moved to California from Minnesota, when I was thirteen—two years after she divorced my father. (Which reminds me of the proverb “Bloom where you’re planted,” but more about that another day.)

One afternoon in my senior year of high school, a friend from art class and I took sketchbooks and charcoal pencils on a leisurely exploration of the neighborhood. And, to our amazement, we happened upon a Normandy village that looked like something straight out of medieval France. A veteran of World War I built it as an homage when he came home from the war, I was told. Now I live just up the block and pass it on my daily walks. So does Ella on her way to work—as a curriculum coordinator at the university.

Serendipitously, it was she who informed me that Maurice Sendak had just agreed to give a series of guest lectures at Cal. She even wangled us an invitation to the reception so I could meet the man who’d inspired me to write and illustrate children’s books.

SHIPWRECKED

SHIPWRECKED

A Patchwork Memoir originally began:

In boxes, bags, and bulging file drawers, I’ve stowed away my writing: stories, scripts, letters, dreams, and diaries. Out of all these bits and pieces, I wonder if I could stitch together a patchwork of my life.

Seely dreamed she was floating in an ocean with other survivors of a shipwreck. They were strewn out across the water as far as she could see—little flecks of orange, the color of their life jackets. Only hers had gaudy rainbow stripes and was noticeably waterlogged. It seemed to be losing buoyancy by the moment. She yanked off a huge tag sewn into the front seam in order to see it better. “Dry-Clean Only,’ it read.”

This passage is from the opening of a short story I started years ago and never finished. I mostly never do—my short stories, at least. Maybe because they’re too autobiographical—yes, I really had the above dream—and my own life still feels so unresolved. Or maybe they were never meant to be short stories in the first place, but chapters in the larger story of my life. I’ve thought about writing a memoir for many years now, sat down to work from time to time, but before I’ve ventured very far, I’ve always gotten bogged down in a quicksand of grief.