RETREATING

Yesterday I began trying to organize the Desktop on my iMac—I have literally hundreds of folders and individual documents on it—and I came across this lone journal entry:

9-20-20

I’ve been feeling that, with every passing month of lockdown, I’m retreating further and further into my shell. This morning I made a point of pulling open all the curtains as soon as I got up, in order experience being part of the world again. Too often, Ella and I get so absorbed in our work, we don’t get around to doing that anymore. Sometimes I even forget to bathe.

In the meantime, I’ve been negligent about my blog because I’ve been so focused on the past that I haven’t been chronicling anything about the present: the fires that have been raging throughout California and Oregon. There was a day when the whole sky was orange from morning till night—the kind of eery twilight you might see in a hell of your imagination. Annee said that in Albany, because of the fog, the sky was black all day.

Meanwhile, two noisy young men have moved in above us, now that Bob’s conversion of our building into a mini-dorm is almost complete; they’re forever shouting and stomping and dragging furniture around, as well throwing noisy get-togethers on the weekend.

I’ve taken to wearing a wide Band-Aid on my right wrist because a callus has been developing where my hand rubs on my desktop as I use my mouse.

I have a bunch of little keratoses on my forehead that I pick at constantly, even after I go to bed, but, being someone with an underlying condition, I’m afraid to go to Kaiser to have them frozen off.

Ella and I have been taking our walks after dark, but only half the people we cross paths with—mostly students—are wearing masks, so we swerve into the street, keeping them at a distance. It’s been pleasantly cool, and I enjoy hearing the crickets—except for the weeks the air has been so bad, we’ve been told to stay indoors.

I’m only managing to use the Aerobic Rider once a day, despite my best intentions.

I’ve also been intending to order more author copies of Poof! I but never seem to get around to it.

Ella and I have been watching Away—a mini series about a fictional trip to Mars—as well as Oliver Stone’s history of the U.S. since the 1930s, which is heartbreaking.

I’ve also been trying to stretch my left knee as I sit on the sofa, with the hope that, after my injury, eventually I’ll be able to sit cross-legged again. But so far the results aren’t encouraging.

When Ella got info from her boss about a pool that’s now open in Montclair, I was thrilled—since all the other pools in the East Bay are closed and swimming has been my main form of exercise for decades. When I called them, however, I was told the membership costs $1000 a month.

Also, I keep losing track of my thoughts.

And I’m having nightmares. Annee says lots of people have been since the beginning of the pandemic.