REMEMBRANCES

The other day I dusted all the books in the tall bookcase in my bedroom, as well as the top of it, where I had stacks of magazines. When I noticed that the dust seemed to be irritating my throat, I threw open both windows for ventilation, but within a few hours my...

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HARD STUFF

One evening I told my second grief group the hard stuff—the things I still felt anxious and guilty about. I’d had moments with Earl, I admitted, when I’d felt afraid of the future, about his aging and inevitable deterioration—especially after my half-aunt Margret’s...

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PROMONTORY

I dreamed Earl and I walked down to the edge of a cliff, then leaned over a short railing to peer down at the surf below. The breakers were huge, like nothing we’d ever seen before. “Wow!” Earl exclaimed, awed, which pleased me—I was delighted he was enjoying himself....

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KEEP ASKING…

For the last couple of monthly meditations, we’ve met in a larger room downstairs in Mandana House, since more people have started to come again. But the room smells of mildew, and people passing on the walkway outside keep sticking their heads in curiously even after...

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ARTIFICIAL MEANS

This morning I woke up before dawn, let my mind churn for an hour, then had some hot milk and tried to go back to sleep. My feet were cold, but, too tired to get up again and give them a hot soak in the tub, I tucked one, then the other, in the crook of the opposite...

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NEVER AGAIN

Every January, I feel full of fervor and resolve about the new year and energetically launch myself into new projects while dispatching with old ones. This past January, to my surprise, was no different, despite Earl’s death. A few nights ago I went over to his house...

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